By: William Briggs
In 2054 a drug was invented that inhibited the human tongue from producing speech. (Tests were not performed on animals due to recent "All Creatures are All Right" legislation.)
It was discovered rather haphazardly.
Joseph Zach Lieman was in the process of finding the cure for Oedipal lust when he noticed that his lab Males were having trouble speaking. He discovered that his testing humans could move their tongues but they failed to produce syllables that would later lead to words.
Failing to cure Oedipal lust Lieman lost his funding in 2055.
Oedipal lust continued to rage and all Lieman had produced was a tonic that rendered tongues, inclined to speak, useless.
To make matters worse his wife had recently died of cancer.
Lieman, deviled by depression, managed to write a brief article describing his new tongue bracer.
An excerpt follows:
"In short, Liemanox will render the human tongue ill equipped to deal with the gestations demanded upon it by speech. The tongue, under Liemanox's power, can still move and perform its daily, mundane, tasks such as swallowing and tasting. That is to say, the tongue is not frozen as the tongue can still be moved to eat, swallow, kiss, and even taunt offending siblings. However, the tongue is severed from the vocal chords and fails to produce movements that allow speech. Sounds can be produced by the Liemanox recipient but they are deep gurgled moans that can be aptly compared to the African Chortling Chimpanzee.
Once the Liemanox tonic is ingested into the human body speech will no longer exist. There, to my knowledge, appears to be no antidote to reverse the powerful spell of Liemanox."
The article continues on in the same vain for 20 some detailed pages and it touches on some of the technicalities, chemical formulations, and science behind Liemanox.
Lieman concludes:
"My hope is that Liemanox can find real world applications that benefit human progress. So, perhaps Liemanox can be given to inmates to reduce prison noise. Or, Liemanox could be a resourceful tool on our modern battlefields. Imagine an approaching enemy striped of the power of speech. Communications would be disrupted and their entire stock pile of telephones would become useless. Also, it should be noted that Liemanox, originally developed to cease Oedipal lust once and for all, has one odd side effect: it makes people develop a grave indifference towards their fathers."
Lieman added, attempting humor, in what was surely a rocky time, "I was only off by a parent!"
His paper was published but didn't meet acclaim or raised eyebrows. The headlines of the day were too concerned over a recent development in a women's diet pill that shifted excess body fat to breasts to care about a tonic that would leave them speechless.
Years passed as did Lieman.
In 2078 the Liemanox tonic was added into the United Federation of the America’s water system. Within weeks its population, numbering some 1.5 billion, was speechless.
The tonic was added into the water supply by the democratically elected group called, Noise Pollution is Bad who happened upon the formula while researching silence.
The NPBs website contains, among other literature, an 'About Us' section.
Follows is a brief tract from said section:
"Noise Pollution is Bad is a government body which employees over 575 souls. Its primary aim is too cut down on noise in and around urban areas. It was founded in 2022 by James C. Nausbaum who, falling under sleeps warm embrace, was awoken by a loud 'Beeep' produced by a vehicle manufactured in the 20th century.
"His anger led him to shouts, then violence. He was arrested and during his 30 year sentence began grass roots efforts to obliterate noise with a bang—albeit a quiet one.
Nausbaum's courageous voice finally reached the halls of the United Federation of the America’s Senate where his complaints received applause. Nausbaum was reported to have said, "Stop your noisy clapping for it disrupts the world's natural silence!!! Show respect to your world, and therefore yourselves, by not clapping. Instead, try waving, or offering me a thumbs up."
Nausbaum was given 78 million UFA dollars and permission to cut down on noise whenever and however possible."
The 'About Us' section trails off into glorification and dramatic retellings of some of the organizations smaller achievements but they serve no importance to the story. It is interesting to note that clapping, on Nausbaum's recommendation, became undignified. Satisfaction for a performance, or a well placed ball, was displayed by a wild waving of a thumb or two.
In 2079, the year after Liemanox was administered to the public, unrest was scant. Life continued as it normally does. Technologies had already made human interaction minimal and having the tongue arrested simply took away one option among many.
The entertainment industry, composed largely of actors and actresses reciting exciting words, changed overnight. Actors and actresses now simply approached each other in various locations and began to fall down, fight, dance, or have sex. It proved wildly successful.
The human spirit, as has been said before, transcends challenges as quickly as it takes to eat a meal at a fast food restaurant.
Like Lieman had observed in his article the Liemanox tonic did not completely extinguish human sound. Noise, however undignified as it sounded, could still be made. The NPB board was not pleased with the noise but they all agreed it was softer and more infrequent then normal human speech.
In 2083 the first Chortling to English and English to Chortling Dictionary appeared. It was short but it allowed for key English words to find definitions in the few moans humans could conjure.
Love- (Noun) AUGHHHHHK (Augh-hhhhh-kkk)
Sex- (Noun) UrggggghP (uRRR-gggg-Hhhjip)
Negotiation- (Noun) Phhhbbt (Ppp-hhhb—bit)
Pickle- (Noun) shrrrrrrrrrkl (sher-rrrrrrrrr-kell)
The companion reference book, Essential Chortling Phrases, was published six months later and made the New United Times bestseller list.
I love you.
WOor AUGHHHHK Toor
Where can I cash this Check?
Jeeeer feeearr WOr fisss Ceeeerk?
Still, Chortling, although useful, proved to be too unwieldy and harsh for daily use. People only employed Chortling as a last resort.
Life without speech did little to change the everyday.
It should be noted that Father's Day was no longer celebrated as Liemanox inhibited warm feelings for the man who impregnated your mother.
